Sedariously, is this bitch for real??

Hey everyone!! Our latest adventure started oddly enough with a disappointment. I received an email about Amy Sedaris, you know Amy from Strangers With Candy, coming to the Kessler Theater in Oak Cliff and I immediately tried to get tickets. Sadly I received the email the day before the show and the tickets were totally sold out. Richard and I went out for a drink after work that night and I told him about Amy coming and how it was sold out. A minor disappointment but another cocktail would easily wash the memory away. Richard went to get our next drink and I was scrolling through my Facebook wall and I see that our friend Todd has 2 tickets he is trying to sell to the very show we were just trying to forget about not being able to see. A couple of quick reply posts and texts and a few good karma points later, we have tickets to the show. 

After work the next day we head to Bolsa for dinner and a couple beers before the show. I opted for the quail and Richard got the burger. Both choices were delicious. You can find out more about Bolsa in a previous post here. After our amazing dinner we headed down the road to the Kessler. The theater was opened in 1942 and was owned at one point by Gene Autry. It was hit hard by a tornado in the 50's and has been quite a few different things in it's life and closed in 1978 while it was a retail shop. Fnally reopening in 2009 as a multi-use facility. They have art shows, music and dance performances and what a great venue it is. I will get back on track now that the brief history lesson is over.

 Click the "read more" link for the rest of the story.

We go inside and they have a swanky bar area and lots of couches. We ordered a beer since we had about half an hour until they started seating for the show. We parked ourselves on a white faux leather couch and were talking amongst ourselves when this shy looking girl broke her way into our conversation. She was very friendly and as we talked, we learned that she had been to quite a few of the stops on Amy's tour. More on that later. Richard and I took turns going to the bathroom before the show and as we both got a little one on one time with the girl we now knew as Lucette, "It's a complicated name, it's French" she told us. Oddly enough we both caught on to the name rather easily but had a slight laugh at our French companion. We then learned that she was from Florida and and flown in to see the show and was staying with "some guy at his hostel sort of place". I don't know many women who would travel across the country and stay with a total stranger in his "hostel", but it spoke to her free spirit and perhaps the amount of spirits she may have consumed.

I will be the first to admit, I am quite the drinker. Now I don't drink often, but when I do, I enjoy myself, responsibly. I have also on occasion had one or two too many and been a little overt in my behavior so I can somewhat relate to what happens next. We head inside to find our seats and Lucette says "Can I sit with you guys?". I of course said yes because she had been nothing but nice up to this point and who doesn't like to have a little entertainment at the table? We pick our seats and as Lucette awkwardly climbs over me and then Richard, she eats it. Not just stumble a little but full on falls to the ground, sending folding chairs flying. Immediately all heads turn our way and Richard helps her up and in to her seat. Thankfully the show will start soon and the lights will dim. 

I sat on the aisle and Richard sat to my left and then Lucette was to the left of him so I wasn't able to hear most of the gems she began spouting but Richard being the good sport he is, texted them to me as she railed them off. She was trying to count all of Amy's shows she had been to on this tour and while her words never got her higher than 4 or 5, the silent counting in her head led us to believe that there is a very fine line between "huge fan" and "stalker". Here are a couple of her deep thoughts. The lack of context or connection between these thoughts again imply a certain level of inebriation. There also may be some connection to certain things Amy has done but that may just be me making excuses for bad behavior lol. Here we go. "I  put the pantyhose on and they sparkle." "Let's go across the bridge to nowhere. Maybe that leads to the theater." Then there were quite a few that were mostly just mumbles. My personal favorite is this one, "I have a baby by her. (I assume she means Amy) I have a baby by her. It's hush hush. No I don't. No I don't, but I do. No I don't." Richard still being on top of his game suggested that we take a picture, knowing full well that this night would be recapped very soon in this very forum.

 

Me, Richard and Lucette. It's French.

As we rapidly approached maximum saturation of public foolishness, the show started and gave us a slight reprieve. Amy was promoting her new book Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People so she talked about the book and had a few people from the audience come up and make crafts with her. After that she did a big Q&A session which was hilarious and informative. At one point I looked over and saw the lovely Lucette leaning forward and to the right. I figured she must be trying to see around the man in front of her. Shortly after this there was a loud metal thud and we realized that Lucette had "fallen asleep", ok, the bitch passed out,  and hit her head on the chair in front of her and scared the hell out of the guy in it. This night just could not get any better.

 After the show, Amy was signing books so we got out of our seats and got in line. Lucette had gone out front for what was probably her 20th cigarette of the evening and we took joy in the brief reprieve. When she returned she joined us in line and began mumbling it what I assume was either Farsi or perhaps Sanskrit and basically rearranged every moveable object with her less than stable body.While everyone waited to get their book signed, a lady came around and was selling lighters and pill boxes that were all crafted up and Lucette decided she wanted 2. She told the lady that Amy knew her and all the usual psycho stalker babble. The lady came back and told her she could only have one and this threw Lucette a little since she "knew her". She then decided that she didn't want any merchandise now and requested that the lady tell Amy that she wasn't buying anything. The nice lady tried to give Lucette her money back but she kept demanding that she donate it to the Amy fund. We were approaching the front of the line and began to put as much distance between ourselves and Lucette so that we didn't get kicked out of line.

It was my turn and as usual, everything I had planned to say went out the window and I could barely muster a "thank you" when she told me she loved my name. I followed that up with "my parents gave it to me". As if this was not the normal way that everyone in the world gets their name. She gave me a sympathy giggle and signed my book.

Not sure what the giddy schoolgirl pose is.

She read my name and said she loved it. Does that make me special?

You can see the lady with the bag of lighters and pillboxes.

"Always double the vanilla"

We headed out after an amazing evening and realized the one tragic mistake we made. We did not wait a minute to see what happened when Lucette reached the front of the line. I am sure it was EPIC.

P.S.  Living in Dallas has some perks. Richard was out at a work function and ran into Larry Hagman. And even better than that, he got to knuckle bump JR Ewing. Or maybe Major Nelson for another crowd. I must admit, I was jealous of this encounter.

 What celebrities have you met or seen recently. Leave a comment below and let us know!! Don't forget to "share" "tweet" "+1" or even "pin"!! Thank you.

This was the can of pineapple she used for one of her crafts!!