Happy Sass-O-Ween!!

San Antonio Pride Weekend

We recently took a quick weekend trip to San Antonio to see some friends and to go to Pride. OK, it was about 2.5 weeks ago, and I am just getting around to posting about it, my bad. We arrived Friday evening and had just a quiet night in with some pizza and beer. Saturday morning we went and had brunch at The Guenther House. They had amazing fresh berry waffles, fluffy biscuits and a quiche lorraine that was so good you would probably slap your momma for another piece. The bacon they had was apple wood smoked and thick cut. I could live on bacon alone and I consider myself quite the connoisseur, you MUST get bacon in some fashion with your food if you go, and you must. After all that food, we walked around the neighborhoods in the area and looked at old homes. It has to be a great place to live if it has lions AND cannons on the front walkway!

It really is beautiful here.

Once we had walked the bloat off, we headed to The San Antonio Riverwalk, a great tourist trap but a hell of a lot of fun. The people watching alone makes it worth the crowds. There is a special breed of crazy that runs rampant there.  We saw a homeless prophet, a limbless person selling bottled water, and more fashion disasters than you could shake a stick at. I am usually so good about documenting these sorts of things, but walking around with a camera to your face through a crowd with a river at your feet seemed too risky even for me. We stopped for a drink at Swig, a martini bar, and followed that up with margaritas at The Republic of Texas Restaurant. I am not usually one for a martini I discovered I maybe just "thought" I didn't like them, and who can say no to a margarita. After our 22 oz. margaritas, we decided it was time for a bit of culture. Yeah, you heard me, we wanted culture mixed in with the fun stuff and alcohol.

  

Remember The Alamo.

We headed up to street level and worked our way over to The Alamo. You can not visit San Antonio and not stop off at The Alamo. I was more impressed with the historical significance at this age than when I saw it as a child. To see that kind of history completely enveloped by a bustling metropolis is quite unique. I realized as I read plaques and signs that most of my actual knowledge of the history was lost in the jumble of useless information in my brain. I think we all need refreshers on history from time to time. Having completed our history lesson, it was time for the festivities to begin.

Crazy little window.

Amazing detail work.

Ain't we adorable?

San Antonio Pride was a little less crowded than I expected for a big city, but as the evening progressed, it picked up. They had all the usual booths, PFLAG, HRC, a few political booths and plenty of greasy as fuck food options. I ate plenty, believe me. The actual parade was at 9pm which seems so weird for a Pride Parade, usually they are earlier in the day or maybe 5-6pm. We had some time to kill after having circled the booth and food pavilion a couple of times so we walked down the street to a couple of the bars. We stopped at The Pegasus and Sparks Club. In our minor travels to different towns and experiencing gay bars in all of them, we have realized that regardless of the town you are in or the size of the town, all bars fall into the same formats. The faces are new, the paint on the walls is a different color, but they are all poorly lit and smell slightly of puke. Don't worry straight people, your bars are the exact same too. Maybe just slightly more pukey. We headed back to the park for some cold beer and to wait for the parade to begin. They had a stage with performances going on and we heard a woman singing in the background but had no clue who she was or what she was even singing. I did however hear that she would be doing a meet and greet and signing autographs. If you have followed my Facebook page from the start, you know my obsession with meeting celebrities, so I decided I was going to wait in line. Richard went to refill our beers and I began plotting what I would even say when it was my turn to meet her. About 10 minutes later it was my turn and I was the lucky last person in line so I feel like I got to spend some good quality time talking with her. Turns out she is a Hi-NRG dance music singer and she was AMAZINGLY sweet. Abigail Zsiga, check her out, she has some great music and some really awesome covers HERE is her Facebook page as well. We chatted for a few minutes and I got my autograph and my wonderful photographer captured my latest celebrity encounter. Now I just had to contend with carrying her autographed head shot around for the rest of the night. There is a slideshow below with a TON of pics from the parade, for your enjoyment. For our enjoyment, we hit up Whataburger after the parade and went home and crashed. We needed to be rested up for our next big adventure on Sunday, SEA WORLD!!!!!

Who can pass up a celebrity photo??

Yeah I can't pass up an autograph either.

This was my amazing $5 purchase! Pretty sure I rocked it!

This was us captured by the local news! See, we are famous.

The last day of our San Antonio trip was filled to the brim with Sea World. We had never been before and what an amazing experience it was. I thought it was just an aquatic zoo with dolphin and killer whale shows, but turns out I was completely wrong. It has roller coasters, water slides, tons of shows and now even has an entire water park on site as well.We grabbed a map and looked at the times of the shows and tried to plan our journey to maximize the shows we could see with the other fun we could have. Sea World is another wonderful place to people watch.

My first dangling feet coaster ride ever. Soo dizzy.

One of our first stops was The Great White coaster. This is one of those wonderful coasters where your feet dangle below you and you can see the ground the whole time. Let me preface this part of the journey with a little back story. I am a horrible roller coaster rider. I ride them because I don't want to miss out on the fun and when the ride is over, I am always glad I did. I am not afraid that anything bad is going to happen or that something is going to break, I am just VERY sensitive to motion, my stomach drops in elevators most of the time. That being said, the terror for me begins while waiting in line. Now I have ridden what I call "normal" coasters, you sit in the car, they strap you in and maybe you even do a loop. I had not yet done one of the "bottomless" coasters so this was EXTRA unnerving. Luckily there was no line at all and we only had to wait one cycle before we could board. I counted the trip before us, it took 30 seconds. I kept repeating that as my mantra. I knew I could survive for 30 seconds. Poor Richard tired so hard to soothe the panic in me and I just prayed I would keep my antics under as much control as possible. Once they started going down the line checking all the harnesses, I began working out how I was going to get off the ride. 30 seconds. Sadly I didn't come up with anything before we lurched forward. 30 seconds. I knew from the walk up to the ride that there were 2 separate loops and several corkscrews and I still didn't like the fact that I couldn't dig my feet into the bottom of the car for extra security. 30 seconds. First drop goes right into the first loop. What I experience is what i feel like you see when you watch a civilian ride in an Air Force jet, lots of weird breathing noises and possibly some blacking out. 30 seconds. I forced myself to open my eyes right as we hit the first corkscrew, whoops, clamped them shut again. Finally I was getting enough endorphins to overcome most of it and I opened my eyes and let the good kind of screaming out. Another loop and corkscrews and it was over. It seemed impossible to think it was only 30 seconds, but I had done it!! I rode this bitch and actually got to enjoy some of it LOL.  As you can tell from my excited expression on my bright red face I was pretty proud of myself.

Panic, nothing short of panic.

Add caption

You must be joking.

Nope, not joking.

HORK

Here is a nice front seat view of this damnable coaster.


After The Great White, we went for something a little more tame, the Rio Loco. You gotta enjoy the white water rapids! Sadly for the next big chunk of our time, we didn't have our phones. We put everything in a locker before riding the Great White and didn't get them out until later. All the things in the middle involved getting wet, so they were not very iPhone friendly anyway. The rapids had a much longer line than the coaster and we waited probably 20-30 minutes. As we got to the front of the line it started raining. Apparently it never rains in San Antonio. We learned this from EVERYONE in line. We knew we would be getting wet anyway so the rain didn't bother us. We were nervous when they announced that due to the weather, the ride could close at any time. Thankfully we got into our raft so it was no longer an issue. The rain stopped just about the time we started getting drenched by the rapids. Then there was that damn waterfall. If you weren't wet before it, you were now. Although there were a surprising number of people who seemed to be dry when they got off the ride, we were not.

This is my new girlfriend, Martha!

Headed off to see the killer whale show, this was a time when I really wanted the phone to take some pics but was sat in the "splash zone" which is the kind way to say "You are gonna get fucking soaked." The show was spectacular and the whales were so graceful. Such intelligence too. I guess they don't actually get in the water with the Orcas anymore. One too many accidents it would seem. It didn't make the show any less impressive so it could be easily overlooked. After the Shamu show we headed over to the Azul show. It has dolphins, belugas, birds and acrobats. I would call it Cirque du Soleil meets aquatic mammals. Lots of acrobatic performances from the animals and the humans. I assume they still get to swim with the animals in this show since a human won't fit in any of their mouths. After the show we got really lucky, our friend Jeff knew one of the trainers and we got to go behind the scenes and got to meet Martha, one of the belugas from the show. Yes we even got to get a kiss. My face still smells slightly fishy. There is a straight guy or lesbian joke in there somewhere, but I digress. After our bonus experience, our time was winding down and we decided we needed to hit the other coaster in the park before we left.

This was us after the Steel Eel. It is a nice 15 story drop. When you watch the video below, notice the cameras on the first lift. Apparently they watch for people who have cameras or cellphones out. Well someone on our run had one out and they stopped the damn coaster about 12 stories in the air. As you know from the previous coaster experience, I am not great at the start of the ride so I am almost coming out of my skin while we hang 12 stories in the air. My best guess is it sounded like a lamaze class with my crazy breathing. After repeatedly blasting an announcement about safety and not allowing recording devices, whoever it was was kind enough to put it away and they were able to start us up the last couple of stories before the big fall. This is not my proudest moment, especially when you look around and see kids just barely tall enough to even get on the damn ride who are soooo excited. Luckily after the first drop, 15 stories, I was able to open my eyes and I even raised my hands a couple times. Thankfully there were no loops or any crazy curves. Just some big drops and 3 big camel humps at the end which I had heard from everyone around were pretty brutal to your body. They were, lots of slamming around in the cars. *HORK*

The thunder rolls........

We were all a little green around the gills after the heat, humidity and rides so we hopped in the car and headed home. We packed our car and said goodbye to our friends and to San Antonio. Gassed up the car and had a little McDonald's for dinner. As we were getting on the road a horrible storm blew through and was sending trashcans, signs, anything that wasn't bolted down, flying across the parking lot. Big dust storm in the field next to us. The first 30 minutes or so of our drive home was gruelingly slow due to heavy rains. Clearly San Antonio was sad that we were leaving. We tend to have that effect on people and now clearly on places as well.

We had a blast in San Antonio thanks to our wonderful hosts and to a wonderful city. We can't wait to come back again.(With Dramamine and a waterproof camera) We did get to have our first Austin experience on this trip. Unfortunately it was just driving through. But here are 2 pics for your enjoyment lol. We are coming for you next Austin, don't you worry.

As a special bonus, here are some amazing "fails" from our trip. Just some lighthearted fun and a little morbidity. Enjoy and please feel free to leave comments!!!

Our Host was seriously named Brody Cheek.

Dead baby duck!! He should have moved out of the way of the boats.

Do you want chesse and gouacamole on your gordita??

I took this picture a million times to get rid of the shadow, sadly it was my arms making it.

           

Lucky Number 7

7 years and still cheesy!!

 I am sure most of you saw a post of Facebook but I wanted to expand on the humor of our 7th anniversary and felt  this was a more fun way to do that. We just hod our 7th anniversary on 7/7, and we opted to not buy presents for each other. We say that a lot, and then always do a little something despite saying we won't. I am not sure when and where the tradition was created but some wise person long ago decided what sort of material each years anniversary should be. Year one is paper, year 5 is paper, year 55 is emerald etc. Year 7 is cotton and/or copper. Richard, being the consummate  artist, made me a wonderful card with a cotton cloud and penny raindrops and a wonderful saying. He never ceases to amaze me with his creativity. I took a slightly different approach.

Great use of the materials, and super sweet!

 

 

 

Click the "read more" link to see the rest of the story. I didn't want you to see the other card until you had read this far.

Purple Party!!

Hey everyone, just a quick update about our weekend. It was Dallas Purple Party Weekend and we had a blast. We did some last minute shopping because apparently purple isn't in our normal color selection. I had so much fun with my green hair on St. Patrick's Day that I decided since it was the Purple Party I should go for purple hair, seems logical right? In the right light it was purple but clearly from the pics, it was slightly more pink than purple. But the point of the night was to have fun so off we went to Dallas.

The bottle said purple.

One of the big reasons I wanted to go to the opening night party was that my best squirrel friend (in my head) Manilla Luzon was going to be performing. Sahara Davenport was performing as well. These fabulous ladies are from RuPaul's Drag Race. If you haven't seen it, check it out. It is a great show. Usually I can take or leave drag, but watching the show you get that weird sense that you know the people and Manilla was my all time favorite.

We got to S4 at 9:30 in the hopes that we could beat the line. Mostly because it was trying to storm and I had sprayed on purple hair and the purple streaked wet dog look is no longer in. The line moved quickly and we got inside. We got a couple drinks and found out the the first show wasn't until 11pm. Now as anyone who has ever been to a gay club can tell you, 9:30 is not a great time for a crowd. Depending on the night, 11:30 might be a little early. So we just pulled up a couple of bar stools and enjoyed the music and some chit chat about our weeks.

Finally 11pm rolls around and they start the show. We assumed that they would start with the local talent first, and they did. Like I said before, I can take or leave a drag show but I forgot that here in Dallas you get some serious production numbers. None of the "just stand there and lip sync" stuff. Manilla makes it to the stage and it was almost surreal to see her. I know I am at a drag show and that she is a drag queen so it makes perfect sense but I think it goes back to that feeling that you know someone that you watch over and over on TV. Sahara came out and did a number and we knew that they would not perform again for quite a while so we let the pounding music from downstairs pull us off our bar stools and on to the dance floor.

When we hit the dance floor, it was late enough and Purple Party enough for it to be packed. And not just a typical late Saturday night packed. This place was wall to wall sardine realness. And for the first time in my experience, we had Furries at S4. No not Furbies, Furries (Google it). I can only imagine how hot they must have been in those suits in addition to it being a million degrees since it was so full. We danced for an hour or so and then decided that we were going to go pay our tab and head home.

Throw a "color" party and the gays will pack a club.

HEHEHE Furries! These were a little stinky though.

Shoulda been purple lights.

Gotta luv a Heather!

We got back upstairs to pay our tab and Manilla was on stage again so I got up close and took this great pic. I figured I had to have at least one pic that was at least mostly in focus. As we were heading out, we learned that there was going to be a secret meet and greet. Thankfully one of those handjobs I begrudgingly gave in the bathroom to important looking people paid off. Oh come on now, like you have never done something a little degrading to get access to something you wouldn't have had access to otherwise?? I don't believe you.  All you need is a little hand sanitizer and you are fine. Besides, it is in a gay club, I carry sanitizer there all the time. We headed off to from what I can tell from the pic, was probably called the "blood red" room and waited what we hoped would be just a short while. Since we were waiting on a gay guy and a drag queen combined, it didn't seem promising.

Surprisingly enough there weren't many people waiting and we made our way to the front of the line with ease. Having inside information makes everything easier. If only I had checked to see if I had my emergency Sharpie packed in my utility belt. No autographs but I got to be in a fabulous drag queen sandwich. Once again, I swear the bottle said it was PURPLE. Either way there are now 2 more names on my "Famous People I Have Met" list. It grows more rapidly all the time.

I will leave you with a parting shot of me sleeping on a towel. By the time our wild and crazy night was over, I just didn't have it in me to wash it out. Thanks again for reading, everyone. Until next time. Since it seems fitting, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else??? Can I get an Amen up in here? Now let the music play."

Try not to get too excited about seeing me in bed.